I promise that I'll round back to pick up on those things but for now, let me make if up to you all with... Some exclusive Brennan and Riz fiction, a little something I like to call Pandemic Blues...
The Strange Tales of Brennan and Riz
Pandemic Blues
Day 1
Waking up to the first day of Lockdown was just like every other day, except, you know, not being able to leave the office. I was lucky in the sense that we had just had a decent enough paying gig, so money wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t a boon, like we couldn’t get crazy and bombard Amazon with purchases but it would be okay.
Getting up I noticed I was the only one awake, Riz had drunk himself asleep last night, on learning that the Lockdown was happening, and it was trapping him with me...and Valarie. Yeah, I probably should have mentioned in the first place, Valarie was stopping over, and with the Lockdown, it didn’t make any sense for her to go home, so with me she stayed. This led Riz to drink. We fled to bed early, as with Riz drinking came something even more heinous. Riz doing karaoke. If you ever loved the songs of the rat pack, never let him sing them to you. It’d be enough to make you tear your own ears off.
I was left alone for the first few hours of the day, Valarie was sleeping in, and Riz was sleeping off his excess. I started to work out what I was going to do to keep myself occupied for the time I’d be spending here. I had shelves that hadn’t been organised since I moved in, my book shelf really needed going over, and reading of course. A groan disrupted my train of thought, as Riz hauled himself from his drawer, like a zombie breaking through the earth.
“Sumone, ne one! I know sumone out dere owes me sumthin! Get rid of dis headache!” He called out.
“Hungover much?” I said teasingly. Seeing Riz like this, I guessed I should have been nice to him, but considering how much of a bastard he his when I’m ever in that state, being nice to him was the last thing on my mind. “Want me to play some nice soothing heavy metal? I heard Cradle of Filth is a good way to get rid of a headache.”
“You dare...Y did I drink like dis again?” Riz asked, his memory being shot to pieces by all the shots he did.
“Maybe it was because of little old me?” Valarie said, swaggering into the office room. Her finger on her lips as she feigned a sense of innocence.
“Sumone, ne one! Get me more booze ta put up wit dis!” Riz screamed out, holding his head in his paws.
“Oh come on Riz, maybe with all this time, we can finally bury the hatchet. I mean we are going to be stuck together for...” She started counting on her fingers, each one adding insult to injury. “Three weeks at least. Probably more.”
“Yer can of course go nd F-”
“Riz! I’m shocked and appalled that you’d use such language!” Valarie then turned to me, that mischievous glint in her eye. “Want me to wash his mouth out with some soap?” In order to survive this Lockdown, I was going to have negotiate some kind of ceasefire with these two, there was no way I could put up with this for three weeks. Or more.
“Look, you two are going to have to learn to get along! We’re all stuck here with each other till this virus calms down. So I don’t want either of you antagonizing the other okay!” I gave each of them a stern look, but I don’t know how much that stuck.
“Fine Bren, watevar yer say. If she screws wit me tho, I’m not swearin off startin war wit ‘er!” Riz said, pointing his finger at her. “Nd if we get dat far, I’m not afraid ta go nuclear!”
“I’m fine with that Bren, I can be reasonable and calm.” Riz’s outburst gave Valarie the perfect way to get back at him, and without looking like she was winding him up. Riz was going to respond, but I shot him a look, and he backed off.
“I’m headin bak ta bed...” Riz crawled back into his drawer, leaving Valarie the victory, though sadly, this was just the first salvo, in their little war.
A few hours later...
Riz did resurface, still grumbling about what was going on, but he wasn’t throwing himself in the lions mouth by hurling insults at Val. Naturally, discussion turned to the threat facing the world, one that for the first time in a while, wasn’t supernatural. That didn’t stop the conspiracy theories though.
“I don’t know which theory is more stupid.” I groaned, staring at my phone. “The one that it was a bio weapon but a pretty crap one. Or the one where it’s because of those 5G towers.” Riz rolled his eyes, and Valarie just laughed it off.
“Bren, you know people will look at things like that for comfort. In a world where people have control over very little, getting to blame something for the big things like this is a way for them to feel in control.” Valarie reasoned. “It’s no different then when people suffer awful coincidence and become convinced that someone is to blame for all their misfortune.”
“I know yer took dat job from us! Stop pretending yer didn’t!” Riz burst out.
“Riz, just drop it. The guy was an ass anyway.” I replied.
“But der money Bren! Jus think of der money it waz!” Seeing that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with that, Riz refocused on what we had been talking about. “Plus conspiracy theories help dem ta avoid der real truth, dat Mother Nature cud create sumthin dat cud wipe dem all out if she really wanted. Dis is jus ‘er messin around. Tho, bein a rat, I’m immune to it ne way, so...sucks ta be u guys.”
“The way you speak about Mother Nature, you make her sound like a real intelligence, instead of just a personification of the planet.” Valarie said, she was busy building a house of cards on the floor in front of the desk.
“Yer know, dere is sum Unseeley Fae who do believe dat. I’ve seen dem before prayin fer her ta tak action against ‘umankind. I’ve also seen sum who took dere faith a bit too far, if yer know wat I mean.” I said the worse thing here.
“No, I don’t know what you mean.”
“Well, wen a Fae is so stupid nd thins der planet loves ‘im, nd he loves der planet. He’ll get nekkid nd start ta..”
“Okay, I’ve heard enough. Stop it.”
“Gud call, jus thikin of der mental image is enuff ta giv me der creeps.”
“You are a creep Riz, so that means it must have been bad.” Valarie grinned.
“Don’t make me bite yer” Riz bared his teeth at her.
Seems like no matter what I did, these two were always going to find a way to get at each other...
To Be Continued.
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