It is currently Wednesday as I type this, the exact day that this blog should be going live...so yeah, thar shows the state of things here!
I'd toyed with the idea of postponing the post mortem, but as that would interfere with any plans I'd make for next week (aka the one closest to Valentines Day), I've decided to press on!
Before we get to the topic of today, let's check in on Brennan and Riz...
The Comic Tales of Brennan and Riz
Drawing could have been better here...save for the middle panel where things slotted together nicely. I think I needed to showcase the movement of the robotic hand more. It'll be another Valentines strip next week, historically, they've turned out well enough, issue 162 should be interesting!
Phantom Dawn: A Post Mortem
This is a hard topic to start talking about as Phantom Dawn is one of those ideas I've struggled to get dome over the course of a decade and a bit. Actually might be closer to two decades than I'd like to admit. For those who don't know, as I'm sure I've spoken about it before, Phantom Dawn was going to be a bit different. The setting was largely the same (though with minor differences in world building, like the monsters being called Evolons) yet the characters were all new. The lead of the first incarnation was a guy who wandered from town to town. As far as I can remember, his characterisation left a lot to be desired, coming off as bland and relying too much on his mysterious past.. which I never did plan out. I wrote a couple of chapters of this draft but quickly killed it when I wasn't having any fun writing. I stripped some design elements from the main character in order to reuse them elsewhere and forgot the whole thing.
Rose became attached to the story some time in the early 2010s. Her origins actually go back a bit further but I can't share them just yet as they're linked with something else. It was at this point that several other characters began to take form but were still far from who I spent last year writing about. This version of the story never went too far as life meant I couldn't focus on it like I wanted. Ironically though, it was another one of life's crazy events that brought Phantom Dawn back in a big way, the covid years. Now this version , which is appox 75-80% of the finished story was born from wanting to do an attempt at a comic and text hybrid, one that was to be serialised every day (lasted 101 days so it did what it needed to).
Now that the history lesson is over, let's focus on the actual story here.
I started the project in January 2025 full of hopes and excitement. However, looking through the whole story, it didn't live up to my own aspirations. Now whether this was a consequence of the self imposed deadlines clashing with a very chaotic time or just my imagination running out of steam is debatable but it happened a lot. To make this easier for myself, I'll break it down into different sections, I should stress there is aspects about this story that I do actually like, and if your own comments are vastly different to mine, then please drop them below.
The setting
Now, the setting for Phantom Dawn is one of the few things that remained quite consistent from version to version. The world was always a post apocalypse where wastes stretched from horizon to horizon with the shattered ruins of cities in between. Folks would eke out a new life, rebuilding where they could as warlords fought for control. This would be all the while the Phantom Dawn phenomenon itself glared down overheard, causing aggressive behaviour in the monsters that roamed free. Doesn't that sound like a fun place? My worry is that none of that really shone through with what I wrote, at least not after they got to the town. The Phantom Dawn should have played a bigger part in the story instead of being forgotten about. At the very least I should have made sure thaf it's presence was felt. I also should have paid more attention to the monsters, while avoiding the evolon name was a good call, the townspeople should have had a name they used for them, something born out of their own folklore. It would have made the back half of the story flow a lot better.
Characters
This is a tricky one as I don't think I made any major errors here (we'll talk about Rose in a second), I think the majority of the characters were still finding their voices and the balance between their personalities. Mason in particular, I worry I went to over the top with his bad poetry and his attempts to woo Rose with words. My goal with him was to show that his introduction, and how he’d presented himself to the town was an act, a performance he thought he needed. Him joining the team was supposed to be because of the kindness Rose showed him and that he believed with her, he didn’t need to do an act. I think I can refine this in a rewrite of parts, which should help his feelings appear more earnest.
Kurz, for the most part is fine, being a somewhat cynical pragmatic, having to suddenly deal with a girl who upturns everything more or less. Here, my issues are with his interactions with Rose which really comes down to them sharing one scene together. I didn't want to rush things with these two but I suppose I went to the other extreme. On the plus side though, his chatter with Mason is a delight as their bad blood boils through, despite it being an act, Mason still did the things he did, and Kurz isn't about to let him forget it.
Rose...It's not so much her character development that's bugging me here, as much as it's her lack of agency in some parts. She seems to vary between being assertive and being passive. One of the biggest culprits of this is the chapter where Kurz takes on Mason, an important chapter to be sure...for that pair. Rose though doesn't get much to do, which is bad considering she's the main character. I'm also second guessing the gimmick i used for her fights. It looks cool but again, removes a bit of agency when she has no control or memory over what she does. Part of fixing this could be shifting perspective to firsf person but that is kind of a trade off with other problems...which I'll talk about in the next section.
Plot
Lastly, I need to talk about what happened with the overall plot. It wouldn't beva surprise to say that there wasn’t one to begin with. I had a loose framework from my previous attempt but thaf would move too fast for what I wanted (those characters who turned up at the end, you'll have to wait till later to see them). It wasn't until chapters 6-10 that the picture of how the story would end finally came in to focus, and then, not till about chapter 15 point before everything was set. I don't think this approach worked though, not in the slightest. The battle followed by battle was a slog to write and they dragged the pacing down. That being said, I do like the idea of Rose's kindness being repaid so that element is being kept for certain. I think there was also more I could have done with Eros to better ultise him then a brief appearance. He's a character integral to both Mason’s and Kurz’s backstories, so needs to be handled better. So what could I do with the plot to make it better? That is actually quite easy and have Finch organise an assault on the town, with Eros there to supervise and tie up loose ends (kill Mason). This would enable a better finale as Rose gets to still defend the town as they're attacked by some heavy machinery, and the others get an encounter that they can fairly take part in, even if Eros is a bit stronger than them.
Of course, I'm not doing these changes I've discussed here any time soon. No, these changes will happen at some point when I move forward with publishing it. I'll hopefully have a better grip on it it'll be keeping the 3rd person perspective or moving it to 1st person. Either way it'll be on the back burner now.
With all that said and done, I'd like to say thank you one more time to everyone who read it all. I hope you all enjoyed it.
That's it for this week. Now, the old schedule dictates that there should be a Short Diversions in our near future, but I'm still undecided as what to run. I'm sure I'll figure it out though.
Till next time...
Keep on writing!
Peter James Martin
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