Happy Blog Day Everyone!
So, normally, this week would be a brand new short story as part of my Short Diversions series. However with all systems go on getting the first draft ready on Daemon Soul: Avalon, I haven't had time to write a brand new short! So, instead, we're going to try something a bit different...
For the next couple of weeks, I'll post the first few chapters of my Vector Unit Regen: Orphan's War story (most commonly just referred to as Orphan's War). If you have any feedback to give me on these, unedited, chapters, I'd love to hear it.
Also this week, I want to share some quick thoughts on blurb writing, as it's something I'm forever toying with.
But, before we do any of that, let's see what your favourite man and talking rat duo are up to!
The Comic Tales of Brennan and Riz
My attempts at trying to brighten up the Comic seem to have gone askew this month! Sorry about that folks!
Not much to say about this one, though I love Riz’s puzzled expression there. Really need to sit down and work out the schedule for the next few issues, can I squeeze a mini Arc in before issue 100? Or is that just a mad man's dream?
Time will tell!
About Blurbs- A Writer's Torment
Blurb writting. Is there another two words that can send such fear down my spine? Well actually, yes, there is but this isn't the time for that!
Writing a blurb is one of the tasks I despise doing, trying to distill a story down to it's base elements, dressed up in a desireable way, is a skill all writers have to wrestle with in one form or another. After all, we have to pitch the work to someone, and I consider an elevator pitch to be a blurb in its purest sense.
I struggle with trying to break down an entire story in such a small space. Take, for example, the following blurb I wrote for Daemon Soul: Awakening as part of a submission process:
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“You are the next Daemon Soul, Terry.”
With Serena’s words, seventeen year old Terry Baker’s world is shattered, and in its place is a world where demons lurk in the shadows.
Now, with everything he knew in free fall. Terry must decide what he wants to do, and what’s worth fighting for. Dealing with events from the past that still scar him, new enemies rise around him, including the Arc Demon known as Death.
With Serena by his side, he must navigate this new world. One that will see the end of what he knows, and the beginning of something new.
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Does that make you want to read it? For me, I know it's had important parts of the story condensed to what seems like mere after thoughts and at worst misrepresent other parts of the story!
(Though if you did like it and want to read it, disregard everything in the paragraph above!)
I've tried many times over the years to make a blurb I was happy with, and most of the early ones were very samey (I have none to hand currently) and I always feel I've lost the readers attention a few lines in. At which point that stops being a blurb problem and become an actual story problem isn't completely clear.
What set me down this path of thought was my attempts to do the same for the next Daemon Soul story, so I could easily explain the geist a lot better than I have been doing.
Check it out:
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"Your world just got a lot more complicated, didn't it kid?"
Cypher may havd handled one threat, but his life certainly hasn't gotten easier.
An encounter with an old friend kick-starts the next fight for his life but Cypher will have to learn that he and Serena aren't the only demon hunters in town.
Avalon has been keeping the country safe from demonic threat by royal decree, and they won't let the Daemon Souls get the way.
Now faced with a difficult choice and his father ramping up his plans, Cypher has to make a decision, that is, if he survives long enough to choose...
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That sound good? Still missing out a lot for my tastes, to say nothing of what I got planned for the ending! Though I guess that part should be kept secret I suppose!
Though with that being said, it also seems that some blurbs come easier than others, like this one for today's feature presentation, Orphan's War:
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The future is desolate.
Those with the means are protected by the Dome.
Those without, those known as 'Silvers' are forced to eke out a living in the wastes.
Drake Vern will do anything to get his sister the help she needs but as a 'Silver', there's little he can do.
Melody Moon appears to lives the life people can only dream of, except no one knows the truth she suffers through.
Their futures lay entwined as they're both thrust into a unending war...
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Only thing missing from that is the fact that there's giant robots in it! Though maybe it's only me that finds that aspect important?
Short Diversions: Orphan's War Chapter 1
Any one who has been around this blog long enough may remember this story from a couple of years ago. Back then I was attempting to upload chapters weekly but that fell through. It has been changed slightly from that release but not massively.
Please enjoy.
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Chapter 1: Two Tales
The trudge over the wind blasted dunes had seemed long, but it had only been a few hours since Drake and his sister had set out from their makeshift camp. They had been travelling for a few days now, stopping and replenishing their supplies along the way where ever possible. Ahead of them, was their target, the most westerly of the Domes that was the domain of the Atlantis Empire. Inside there was a new life waiting for those who were allowed in. Drake had told his sister the stories that had been passed to him from his parents, who got them from their parents. Inside any of the Domes was a paradise that hadn’t been seen on the Earth in countless ages. Controlled weather systems, heating and conditioned running water, stable and clean energy and most important of all, the best medicine.
Ava, Drakes sister, was asleep on her brothers back, the disease that was ravaging her body on the inside taking more of her waking time from her with each passing day. Her health pushed Drake to his limit, one of those good Samaritan doctors who visited the folk who were forced to eke out an existence outside the Domes had offered to tell him what her life expectancy was, to help him get used to the eventuality of her fate, or as he put it ‘Give you the time you need to make her last days the best they can be’. Saying it to Drake's face was not the best move, and the doctor needed to see a doctor. That had been a few weeks ago now, with Drake and Ava leaving the next morning after that incident. Determined to save his sisters life instead of giving up, Drake knew he had to get her to where the medicine was. He couldn’t just watch her fade away like so many had before. Aside from the travel, the biggest obstacle was their status as a ‘Silver’, owning to the eye colour all those born outside the Domes had. While the Domes did accept some ‘Silvers’ it was a highly restrictive process, only those certain to be useful likely to be admitted. It didn’t stop people trying though from wanting the best life possible for their families.
The sound of a spluttering engine rose from behind. A rust bucket on wheels was coming up as fast as it could when dealing with the shifting sand. It was a jumble of parts, trying to mimic what people had seen in old historic images as a motorbike, the best approximation you can get for these parts. The rider looked older then Drake, his face hidden by a dented helmet and a scarf that was failing to keep the mouth clear. The bike slowed down as it pulled alongside the brother and sister.
“You’re not going to sell her are you?” The rider said, his voice a mix of surprise and judgment, clearly this wasn’t the first time he’d seen something like this.
“Why the hell would I sell my sister!” Drake snapped back. “What sick people do you deal with?”
“Hey calm down!” The rider reached inside his dirt caked jacket and pulled out a metal badge, still shining in places. “It’s my job to ask questions like that.” The rider belonged to a group known as the Sheriffs, they tried to keep some level of order in the outside, but they were a rag tag organisation who took their name from history. Drake felt uneasy, no two Sheriffs were the same, each having their own moral compass and their own views on how to keep the peace.
“So I’m guessing if you’re not selling her then, you’re trying to take her to Entry Point?”
“Entry Point? I’m taking her into the Dome,” Drake replied, walking forward again.
“Wait! You have to go through Entry Point to get to the Dome! You can’t just waltz in there!” The rider got level again, while fighting to stop his bike sinking. “Look there’s the town of Entry Point in ‘front’ of the Dome.” He pointed to the ramshackle buildings, over a dozen of them, like a blemish on a scenic view.
“Okay, so I go through that place to get to the Dome, got it.”
This time, instead of letting Drake go again, the rider reached out and grabbed his arm.
“You idiot! You have to go through the proper channels, there’s an office in town that has the power to grant you access to the Dome, they are the ones you have to speak to. I warn you though, there’s a wait, lots of young people like you have the exact same idea.”
“I’ll take my chances thanks,” Drake pulled his arm free. “I’m getting in there, no matter what.”
“Parents dead I take it,” The rider bluntly observed. “Just because you got tragic circumstances isn’t going to make it any easier for you, there’s a lot of orphans out here.”
“A nineteen year old carrying a thirteen year old on his back and you wonder if my parents are still around. Yeah they’re dead, and I’m not letting the same time happen to her, no matter who I have to go through.”
“Carry on like that and you’ll wind up in trouble,” The rider said quietly. In the distance, three specks were getting increasingly larger, exceptionally fast. Drake spotted them and felt the tension rise in his body, then the rider saw them.
“Here come the big boys,” He said with a pause, as three massive humanoid machines blasted through the sand, whipping it up and blowing it out of the way. They were coated black aside from specks of colour on the shoulders, and each carrying oversized versions of normal weapons. These were Vector Units, the weapon of choice for the powers that be. The original ones were found and dissected, giving rise to newer models, and caused a push to reap what few resources the planet had left to give up. Drake had only seen them from afar before, staying out of their way as much as possible. Everyone knew what they meant when they showed up, death was close.
The Vector Units flew overheard, not even pausing to consider the people underneath. The noise however caused Ava to stir.
“What was that?” She asked.
“Just some flying tin cans...You feeling better?” Drake asked as he helped Ava down. The Rider took a good long look at her, and he tutted under his breath. “No one asked your opinion” Drake glared.
“Good luck...You’re going to need it. See you around,” The rider then sped off towards the town, leaving Ava confused.
“Who was that?”
“No one, just a Sheriff. If you can walk, then we should get going again.”
Truth be told, Drake’s body was close to rebelling against him, but it didn’t matter. He had to get his sister the help she needed, and he couldn’t do that face down on the floor.
“Right!” Ava started moving, though not quickly at first, her legs weren’t moving as she wanted. Drake shown more patience with her though and purposely walked slower so they were still side by side. The two of them walked slower then if it had just been Drake, with Ava having a limp and the occasional moment of weakness. She pushed away any attempt at aid, wanting to keep going.
Through out all of this, the town ahead got larger and larger. The buildings were all constructed of scavenged materials and no look matched individually, but if you pulled back and looked at the town as a whole, everything came together. They were close enough now to see streamers hanging between the buildings and a happy atmosphere was carried on the breeze. Some celebration must have been going on.
Now within a whisker of the town, the ambient noise gave way to music, at first just the tune could be made, a pleasurable, and reliable, set of beats pounding away. Ava heard the female voice at the heart of the song and her face lit up.
“They’re playing Melody Moon!” She gasped, and picked up her pace, entering within range of the shadows of the buildings in the setting sun as lights began to illuminate the skeletal and bare designs of the town. Drake had used the music of Melody Moon as a way to take his sisters mind of things, figuring it was better to give her something to focus on other then the passing of their parents and her own mortality. He found the musicians output to be too cheesy, the lyrics all flowery and dripping with unbridled optimism.
As long as it made her happy though. Drake thought to himself as he followed Ava into the heart of the town, an ornate fountain that stuck out like a sore thumb against the forced ascetic of its surroundings. The motif that decorated the structure though told of its origins, a gift from the seemingly benevolent Empire. The Dome loomed large over the tops of the buildings, but it’s opaque glass hid the contents and the citizens away from the prying eyes of those who had to live outside. People came to trade with those outside but the relationship was always one sided. Something else caught Drake’s eye, and with it another shudder, two Vector Units stood at the end of the long street, no doubt guarding the entrance to the Dome, but also acting like beacons, showing the might of the Empire and enticing those who would gladly lay their life down of it.
“Come on Drake!” Ava tugged at her brothers arm, dragging him towards another street that crossed at the fountain, the jovial festivities of the town had infected her, aiding her in down playing her illness for now, she didn’t know what the celebrations were or what they stood for but it didn’t matter. It meant she could dance and listen to music, so she was happy, this moment blocking out all the more recent ones. This was all Drake could ask for, even more so if he could just watch from the side lines. This wasn’t his scene but it was perfect for her. While she was having the time of her life, he went and made enquiries about his goal, getting him and Ava inside the Dome.
“Sorry son, the office is closed today, on account of the holiday,” The bar keeper said as he served more customers. Drake had found him next to a public space in a temporary bar, selling drinks from a tent.
“What holiday? Too early for harvest ones, or any that have been rediscovered,” Drake said, wondering what the purpose of all this was.
“It marks the date many years ago that the Empire came into being, as a response to the threat from the other nations.”
“You would celebrate that even though you’re out here?” It seemed like it would be one that would be inside only, given it meant little to those outside.
“The Empire is good to us here, they’re going to start helping us revamp this town, get rid of all these remnants and build proper towns, like what they have in the Domes. At least that’s what they say. You’d do well to note down the date, especially if you want to get in there. The office is open for a little while in the morning, but you’d be better off camping outside the doors, a lot of people want to get in.”
“You’re not the first to tell me that today...Where is the office though.”
“Go back to the fountain and head down the street to the right. Go all the way down to the end of the street and it’s the last turn left. Good luck kid.”
Drake left the tent and caught up with Ava, who was trying now to hide signs of fatigue, collapsing in her brother's arms.
“I guess I should have watched my step better!” She joked, weakly.
“You’re overdoing it.”
“No, plus I haven’t heard this song! I got to dance to it, it’s some kind of law...I think.”
Her smile was often enough to melt hearts in all the towns they had passed through previously, though it still didn’t bring much help.
“Come on, I think you need to rest again, I want to set up camp near the office we need.”
“Will they let us in? They won’t be interested in me,” Ava said, her usually optimistic voice disappearing under the wave of pessimism.
“They’re going to let us in, it won’t be worth it for them otherwise. Plus we’ve got a secret weapon, your smile, no one can resist that!” Drake said, just as it was uncharacteristic for Ava to mope or despair, so was it him to smile or joke. Ava bought out this side in him. The pair, having reassured each other for now, set off and pitched a tent right near the office building, which was much better maintained then the others in the town, having a uniform design.
To their surprise, there were already dozens of tents pitched out along the edges and nearby. It took them ten minutes to find a place of their own.
“There’s a lot of people here,” Ava said, looking surprised.
“It doesn’t matter, we’re the ones getting in,” Drake said, he was beginning to feel a little doubt, his bluster failing with his tiredness. Sleep was what they both needed now.
While they settled down for the night, just on the other side of the reinforced Dome wall, another party was in full swing, this one a lot grander, with guests wearing the finest clothes, enjoying the best drinks. All except one was having a good time, and she was sitting overlooking the edge of the balcony, onto the lush gardens below. The night sky was visible through the glass ceilings, and with it, the monolithic structure, the Orbital Ring. The vast relic of a bygone space age encompassing the Earth, it’s purpose lost, any means to visit it long vanished. To the woman sitting there, the ring was as cold and distant as she herself felt. She was dressed in brilliant pinks, an outfit made to order, expensive but designed to last only a single wear. She had been living this life since she was plucked from the outside as a child, her parents more than willing to sign her over to a handler. She often thought about fleeing the gilded cage they had placed her in but knew from what happened to one of the other children how bad it worked out. Nonetheless, she was the only survivor from that intake, being shown their broken bodies as a warning to avoid their mistakes. The last of her friends, her sisters, had only died last year, having been demoted to a general’s plaything after an escape attempt. Melody felt herself wanting to cry but her conditioning made it hard, then someone spoke up.
“Melody, please come back and join the party, its about time for us to hear your lovely voice...”
The man who wanted her to return was her newest handler, who took over from her predecessor when she came of age, a night she tried so hard to forget. His voice though aroused those memories, dragging them up. His name was Darren Deacon, and presented himself to others as the very model of efficiency and skill. Scratch that surface and he was no better then all the others who wanted her. Melody wanted to run away but couldn’t, having no choice but to follow Darren. As they entered the room, all the male eyes fell on her with that gaze of lust, while the women looked on in a mix of envy and condescension, they knew that what she had wouldn’t last long, and was replaceable, while they would keep their power.
“Now ladies and gentlemen, Miss Melody Moon will now perform privately for your entertainment, and afterwards, there may be time for personal performances...”Darren announced with the skill of a ringmaster. Melody’s skin crawled with each word, as her hopelessness rose and numbed her. With tears in her eyes she started singing as the small crowd moved in...
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Well, that's chapter 1 done! If you have any feedback, don't hesitate to let me know.
That's all for this week,
Till next time...
Keep on writing!
Peter James Martin
Quick Links
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Malarkey's Imaginomnibus Fade to Noir
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